I will not allow this!
by InvadingAngel
Summary: These are stories JV would NEVER allow to come into existence. Each chapter is a one shot thing joke thing. ZADR, ZAGR, and all those others. They’re not real, just spoofs.
1. ZADR NOOOOO!

_**I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS!**_

These are my short series of classic fictional garbage Jhonen Vasquez would probably stab the writer in the eye for. I'm not saying he's a homicidal maniac but…we all have our breaking points don't we? Now read and learn, to STOP writing these. Most will probably be romance related. And keep in mind. It's all in good fun. If you have written one of these do not flame me. Thank you –the management

ZADR 

Zim sat at the lunch table glaring off into space, 'only a few more hours.' He reminded himself, 'then freedom'. Soon he would be free to sit at home and plot the doom of earth. As Zim glared off into space he sensed a presence beside him. The Irken spun around to see Dib glaring at him, "Zim!" he hissed. Zim glared back, "Dib worm!"

"I don't know what your latest evil is about but I'll stop it! OH I will stop it to the point that it was almost like it never was….started. Not only will the stoppedness of it be ceased blah, blah, blah. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." His words turned into an annoying buzzing sound in Zim's ear…hole thing. A new sound interrupted Dib's tangent, RIIIIIING! Lunch was over. Dib glared at Zim once more then raced off to class. Zim watched Dib with narrowed eyes. Hatred filled his soul but there was some thing else…love. See after all they had been through together Zim had developed feelings for the human. He just didn't know how to express them. (A/N: God I'm going to be sick. But remember this is a comedy story so the ickiness will be taken care of shortly. Don't leave yet!)

Zim left the cafeteria to head to class. while the alien sat at his desk nearly in a state of Zombie like drooling boredom Dib stared at him and sighed like a little bliss filled girl. He too, felt as Zim did and his spying attempts were becoming more and more just to be near the Irken. Dib just wanted to watch Zim all day… Dib looked down and saw he had doodled a little picture of the Irken just being all cute, and green, and cute as Dib so thought he was.

"Green's a great color…" Dib sighed.

"That human does not stink as bad as the rest…" Zim sighed Suddenly the sighing grossness was interrupted by a loud BOOM! CRASH! As some thing fell from the ceiling. The class panicked and scrambled out of their seats to the back of the classroom. Only two students remained in their desks. Dib, and Zim. The air was thick with rubble from what ever had crashed through, a coughing could be heard and as the aseptic and dust cloud cleared the figure of a man could be seen. When it became clearer and the coughing stopped they could see it was an extremely thin man, who almost looked unhealthy. He had dyed orange hair and glasses. He wore a black trench coat, blue tee, and black pants with boots. He looked around the room a moment until he spotted Zim. The thin stranger grabbed Zim by the head. The Irken and the man glared at each other a moment before he lifted Zim high in the air and flung him into the chalkboard.

"ARGH!" Zim cried out in anger and pain, "What do you think you are doing skinny glasses wearing man!"

"I'm Jhonen Vasquez and I'm here to fix a major error of stupidity which was stupid!"

"Eh?" Zim squeaked staring at Jhonen. Jhonen's glasses narrowed with his eyes, "Let's begin with a lesson in Irken anatomy and laws. First, you are an Irken and not a human. Do you know what that means?" there was silence, "It means that while you appear to be Dib's age you're over a hundred years old! So there for it's illegal! And the only state where it is legal is Alabama and they frown on homosexuality. Speaking of which," he spun around to face Dib, "You're gay Dib! While I have no problem with some one of that pulsation I did not write you to be gay! Understand?" Dib's eyes got wide.

"I do! And you're right! I'm not gay! I'm nine years old! Even if I do turn out to be gay it would take a real sick-o to write a nine year old as being gay and interested in dating outside of his species! Yes! I'm free! FREEEE!" Dib jumped on his desk and began a loooong tangent that no one listened to. Jhonen turned his attention back on Zim.

"And you! You're species has no need for the emotion of love so you don't have it!"

"What do you mean no need?" Zim asked cocking an eyebrow. Jhonen picked him up and shouted, "YOU DON'T SEXUALLY REPRODUCE! YOU'RE CREATED IN LABS!" he dropped the Irken and finished, "Plus. In my world there is no romance period. Now, I'm off to the next chapter to fix the "Zim and Dib fall for the same girl" story. God help me there are a lot of people who want you and the big headed kid to compete for love." He shook his head, and had a look like those stories hurt him physically. Vasquez lifted his arms and ZOOM! He was gone. Zim and Dib looked at each other for a moment in hideous sham then Zim screamed, "SILENCE HUMAN!"

"I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!"

"YOU WERE THINKING SOME THING!"

"OH I'M NOT ALLOWED TO THINK?"

"NO!"

"ZIM!"

"DIB!"

"ZIM!"

"DIB!" (this goes on for a while.)

End.

Well that first chapter wasn't the funniest but the next one will be really good! I know, I'm starting to write it in my mind right now! Please review, and uh…be kind? I bruise easily. Okay thanks for reading and the next ones will be better.


	2. More Love!

_**I WONT ALLOW THIS EITHER!**_

**Love rivalry… **

This is one I shall really enjoy Muwahahaha! I apologize to those who I offended to _each their own_ as I was told. But now that that's out of the way allow me to continue the spoofing! I have a nice twisty treat in store for this particular story insert more evil laughter

Dib walked into the classroom and saw Zim already at his desk. There was an uncomfortable feeling in him left over from the last story, he dropped his eyes and scurried to his desk. The children chattered happily with one another. Poor little Dib sat by himself completely ignored and sighed miserably. He was so alone…

Mrs. Bitters formed from a shadow in the corner and glared at the students, "Children! As further proof the school board has no souls we have yet another sad future failure to add to this already over crowded class. Her name: Angie." The door cracked open and a small girl stepped in.

Zim couldn't help but stare wide mouthed at the girl…she was beautiful! Her shoulder length strawberry blonde hair bounced all bouncy like with da bouncing as she walked in. Her eyes were a (Place positive description here) of brown. She had a freckly nose and overly done lip stick covered mouth.

Zim was not the only one who this girl's prettiness had caught the attention of. Dib's eyes were huge, and finally in proportion to his head as he stared. Not only was she super cute she was cutely dress, which we all know is what catches guys' attention. She was wearing a pink spaghetti strap tank and a black skirt. On her feet she wore clunky boots that made the rest her all the more adorable! The beauty cleared her throat and proceeded to speak.

"Uh, hello." Her voice sounded like a bell. (The kind that the hunchback used to ring. CLANG, CLANG) "My name is Angie (clang) and I'm new and lonely." She hung her head in despair of her lack of friends and love interests.

"Take your seat!" the teacher hissed. Then looked around, "But I suppose you'll need one. How about in the front row?"

"Okay." She said her (freakishly) large eyes glancing around the first row, "How 'bout that seat?" she said pointing to the one next to Zim. She sat down next to him after the lesser character had been disposed of. Angie fluttered her eyelashes at Zim who was just staring at her. There was something about affection he was supposed to remember. But could not pull his eyes away from her hypnotic gaze.

"Hi…" she whispered. Her breath was about as appealing as that of a monkey, "HEY!" she screeched at the author, "Do it right!" eh…her breath smelled like mints or something, happy? "Yes!" she turned her attention back to Zim. She prepared for some truly disturbing flirting when the lunch bell rang.

"Eh…come along earth girl we are forced to go to a cafeteria. To consume food." She got out of her seat and laced her fingers with his and he did not complain. (A/N: OMG! Does this sound like twenty other fics on this site, or what!) Dib narrowed his eyes. He couldn't let the alien interact with such a beautiful, and helpless girl! He had to save her, and have her for himself because he loved her so…

The two sat down at their lunch table. Zim glanced around uncomfortably. "She's attractive…" he reminded himself as she droned on about her sad past. Dib ran up to the table and screamed, "NOOO!" Angie and Zim spun around in horror.

"Who (clang) are you?" she asked staring at the bigheaded, yet cute boy. He stared at her longingly, "Oh Angie you can't fall for him, and he's an alien! An alien!" she looked between the two acting upset that she had to make such a hard decision.

"Do not fall for the human's tricks! Angie I care for you as I have no other human! Please!" Zim begged being so Ooc my DVDs next to the computer are starting to melt!

"But…I care for," her words were cut off by the window next to their table shattering as another person came interrupted. They just stared as a sketchily drawn skinny man with black hair and crazy eye brushed himself off. They looked at each other a moment in silence as he cursed wiping the shards of glass off his stripped shirt. He spotted them and waved, "Hello! My name is Johnny but you can call me Nny!"

"What do you think your doing here?" Angie shrilly demanded gripping both Zim and Dib's arms. She knew who he was before he introduced himself.

"Well." He said, "I'm Nny, as I stated earlier and since Jhonen got hung up he sent me. I'm here to fix the horrible horribleness. Where was I told to start…? Oh yes!" he grabbed Angie by the head easily ripping her from her admirers grip. He looked at her a moment then bopped the side of her face. Her eyes got big. She quickly covered her face. He dropped her and turned his attention on the boys. He looked from Zim to Dib then pointed at Zim, "You're still not attracted to humans. Remember? Plus even if you were you'd be attracted to a bald girl with pink eye and a skin infection!" Zim thought a moment, "Oh yes, Zim remembers now." He looked down disgusted with the girl who had once made him fallow like a puppy. He shuttered. Nny leaned over and got into Dib's face, "I'm only going to say this once. THERE. IS. NO. ROMANCE. IN. JHONEN'S. CREATIONS." Dib blinked a few times then nodded, "Yeah, just cause I found out I wasn't gay doesn't mean I need a girl friend. I mean I'm nine years old. NINE!"

"Yep. And that's why that girl is so sick." He pointed his claw like finger at Angie who looked strange. Dib cocked his head, "What's going on here? What's happening to her?" Her hands were still gripping her face. She was now all stretched out! Angie wasn't cute looking anymore, she was tall and super gangly. Her hair was greasy and choppy like her parent had cut it. There was a noise coming from her…she was growling!

"Darn you…you found the week spot in my façade!" she spun around and growled like a rabid dog. She revealed her true face. It looked a little like her character face only longer with a sea of pimples and cheep blue eye shadow. She bared her braces covered fangs, "Darn you! They thought I was beautiful!" she hissed at the man.

"Yeah but they shouldn't! And you shouldn't find them cute unless you mean in the _bunny_ kind of cute cause they look like NINE Year olds! I'm pretty sure that's illegal." Her brown eyes darted around from face to face, "AHHHHH!" she screamed and jumped out a closed window next to the one Nny had already broken through. Then there was an explosion outside. She had spontaneously combusted, I don't know why. Nny looked around and said, "Well I have to be off. I don't belong here, got to get back to my comic. Well see ya!" he climbed back out the window and raced off.

"That was just stupid. Why cant these guys use doors?" Dib asked.

"I dunno." Said a voice from behind. It was a short blue haired girl with too much make-up and black attire. She blinked at him and grinned.

"Hey!" he shouted, "I'm trying to talk to myself here! Do you mind?" she narrowed her eyes. The Mini Goth hiss snapped at him then trudged off. Dib sighed in relief when she walked away.

MORE COMING…

Hee, hee. I have no idea why I write the weird stuff I do but…god I enjoy it!

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T BE OFFENDED:

I made Angie skinny for no reason. I have no problem with skinny girls or fat ones! No one be offended please! I also have no problem with girl sporting braces. I wear braces! I had to take a shot at both kinds of girls I've read coming into these inexplicable relationships with the charries. So forgive and review if possible. Give me another idea for the next chapter of something that bugs you in fanfics. And please don't write, YOU. Thanks. –Invading Angel


	3. Oh no, woe!

_**THIS SHALL NEVER COME TO PASS AS LONG AS I BREATHE**_

_**I WONT ALLOW IT!**_

Today's special shall feature a main plot of Zim discovering the truth AND BELIEVING it, with a side order of Tallest romance. To which I plan on squashing fairly quickly. Thanks to all my kind reviewers especially Dibthe1 or something you know who you are. The one who wrote the essay like reviews? Yeah, and in response to some one saying "Dib is thirteen!" or whatever if you listen to the commentary Daniel Kanic (I think that's her name), a writer mentioned that Dib is in forth grade. So there you go. I wasn't picking on you just defending myself. Once again you guys have been so kind and understanding that it was a joke. Thanks. :D

**The Sad, Sad, Annoying Truth**

Tallest Red and Tallest Purple sat in their lounge slurping on the Irken equivalent of Slushies. They laughed as they crammed more food down their throats and took long slurps of their beverages. This was their entire existence sit in comfortable chairs and eat snacks. The life of a Tallest was a good one. They towered over everyone physically and metaphorically. Of course that made their lives lonely. But at least they had each other.

The two stopped munching and gazed into each other's eyes. Red and Purple became enthralled in the sight of the deep lovely eyes they were gazing into. Still staring into Red's eyes Purple snuck a donut into his mouth and continued the passionate stare. Suddenly the big screen television in front of them flashed on. They tore their eyes away from each other.

On the screen there was a skinny orange haired man glaring at them. His glasses narrowed with his eyes. He just slowly moved his head from side to side and merely said two words. They were harsh and powerful and conveyed an entire tangent rant.

"Hell. No." then the screen went black again. Red looked around as if coming out from a spell, "Oh yeah…you're my best friend and nothing more."

"Yeah." Purple said grabbing another donut.

"Purple." Red said glancing around, "That was weird…"

"Shah, iw wa' weir'" he said through a mouthful of snacks. (A/N: I actually researched that sentence by cramming my mouth full of food and saying it. So that was accurate messed up speech. See no one can say I don't do my research.)

Zim laughed triumphantly at whatever half-baked plan he had come up with. The plan wasn't important anyway. The drama is what counts! Zim looked around and found Gir sitting on the floor playing with a piggy plush. The little robot wasn't wearing his disguise but was still ubber (ubber super) adorable! His big aqua eyes glowed with joy.

"GIR!" Zim screamed. The robot dropped his toy, saluted, and had his eyes turn red, "Yes my master!"

"I've come up with a new amazing plan that is amazingly amazing to an amazing head exploded level of great amazingness! (I just wanted to see how many times I could cram the word amazing into a sentence. Apparently five.) I'm about to call the All Mighty Tallest and tell them about my newest and most diabolical plan to destroy all humans! So. Do not disturb me. Why not go to the upper level and monitor earth broadcast." The little robot squealed with joy. But unfortunately got over excited, and his head exploded (A/N: don't worry kids! ;D He's okay!). Zim sighed, he have to fix gir later. The alien turned to face the computer and commanded it, "Computer contact the Tallest!"

"Do I have to?" it asked in an annoyed voice.

"Computer!" he hissed. There was a sighing noise and the screen came on showing the Tallest both yanking on a piece of Twisler. They caught sight of Zim just watching them. Red glanced over at Purple, kneed him and stole the candy. He shoved it in his mouth.

"What is it Zim?" Red asked after he finished.

"I just wanted to tell you about my new and evil plan to destroy all life on earth."

"Yeah, uh…" Purple said glancing over at Red, "We thought we should tell you this now, Zim, despite the fact it's likely to just bring you back begging for a real chance to prove yourself. You're on a fake mission."

"Eh?" Zim squeaked.

"Yeah," continued Red, (gotta give them a fair share of lines), "It's a fake and now we shall hang up and leave you to go through a boring monolog of despair and melodramaticness." With that the screen turned off.

Zim's eyes got big and filled with tears as it always does at this point. (A/N: We're going to ignore the fact that Irkens are ALLERGIC to WATER! Yeah just take that blind folded leap of faith in the author's ability to make a good story despite that major plot hole. Just ignore it. YOURE NOT IGNORING IT! Why? Why common sense? Sigh, oh well.)

Zim sobbed like a little girl, "Oh why! Why my Tallest? Oh! The woe and misery and woe too! Heavy sighs and other stuff of that nature!" he cried out being about as melodramatic as predicted. Zim looked around silent for a moment then turned to the author, "Hey, where's the Dib?" Author shrugs.

Out side the base

Dib kneeled over his laptop, which was on the sidewalk in front of him, "No way!" he shook his GARGANRUAN(!) head violently, "This is waaay too Ooc!" he begins typing, "But look at all these stories saying I'm supposed to go in there and comfort him! Are you kidding? I want to see his intestines strewn over an autopsy table! Does comforting him sound like the kind of thing I would do! Huh? HUH!" Dib screamed to no one in particular.

A former writer for Zim slunk into the story and handed Dib a few sheets of paper and disappeared around a corner, "What!" he screamed in horror, "This was almost a real episode." He pauses, "Eh, not the Tallest thing but me comforting Zim? Thank you merciful…who ever I prey to, for this ep never being put into production. If it had…people think that there are a lot of ZADRs now?" he reached into his pocket and pulled out a lighter and set fire to the script.

"This little unmade ep. isn't going to get out now." But unfortunately for Dib. It was too late. In the time it took him to burn the original script over six new ZADRs have been created.

"NO!" he screamed (again with da screams, think I'd come up with a new adjective by now. But NOPE!) then closed his laptop, "Oh well. Well I'm still not going in there to help." And walked away with what little dignity he had left after aiding in the creation of now, eight new ZADRs by screaming out loud the true but disturbing…truth.

But now the reader must wonder, "But without Dib to help! How-how will Zim get all happy and have a weird creepy romance with a kid! Huh? HOW! DEAR GOD I HAVE TO KNOW! TELL MEEEEE!" well chill out and take your meds. Let's check in with the crying and the drama and da sadness and crying, now let's see what has become of the once mighty invader Zim oh what has happened!

In the home base

Zim sat on the couch with Gir sucking on some alien candy watching the angry monkey show. Just suck, suck, sucking on da sugary treat. Zim! How are you not crying depressed! Tell the reader or risk their brains turning to mush with abusing the brain cells by trying to figure out what happened. Tell us please Zim!"

"Eh? Oh, I got over it. I've realized the tallest were joking. Good one too. Now. GET OUT OF MY HOUS NARRATOR PERSON!" laser and claws faced the writer (dat's me!) who had to grab her computer and flee.

THERE WILL BE ANOTHER CHAPTER WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT…

Yeah, that was cool…I got to be in there for no reason. Scary isn't it that they almost made an ep called "mopeness of doom?" I'm sort of grateful they got cancelled before the characters could be abused like that. Well thanks for the reviews and ideas. And remember as long as there are over used stories that annoy you (and me) I'll write my little spoofs! Oh and if you don't review I'm get sick and die and we don't want that do we? flutters eyelashes oh you do? Well shut up! I wont so there! Hmm…uh could you just review before I write something truly bizarre? Thanks –Invading Angel.


	4. Tak? Stop her before it's too late!

**YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WOULD ALLOW_ THIS_!**

Hello my filthies. It is I the beloved author chick thingy… Yeah well what ever I am I'm here to continue my crusade against stuff! Yes, I said it. Stuff. What are ya goin' do? Huh! You goin' to do something? Huh? HUH?

Wow I am sorry that was weird it was not I who was being weird it was…my evil twin Leaving Angel. Nope it wasn't invading Angel it was da leaving one. She left. But I'm still here doing your bidding and mocking practically everyone on this site. And yet you continue to read… you guys are bizarre, I would have quite reading two chapters ago but. Unlike you I cant take a joke SO DON'T MESS WITH ME. glares eh. That was da evil one again. I should get to the story shouldn't I? Well here we go!

ZATR (of da doom) 

The night was dark and not well lit, as night generally tends to be. In a park stargazers and a single bigheaded paranormal investigator watched the clear sky from a hilltop not too badly screwed up by the city's light pollution. Dib stood there trying to become enthralled in this enough to forget the weirdness of the past two or three days. He closed an eye as he squinted through the lens. Dib gasped.

"Whoa! Look at that meteor, it's going to fall right into those woods!" the fat headed boy was right, "Hey! I can hear you!" he screamed at… I'm not sure whom. No one around him is speaking, anyway the fat headed kid was not lying. Indeed there was something dropping from the atmosphere at an alarming rate. It looked like some sort of fiery fire thing that was on fire as it dropped with a THUNK! Shaking the ground for about three blocks around but be impressed that's a lot of shaky for one little fireball (that is on fire).

In the woods the camera did a close up of the fiery thing. It was a red metal escape pod from an Irken ship. Indeed what you figured out two paragraphs ago was correct. It was Tak! And she was on fire. Watch. Tak scrambled out of the ship and dropped to the ground and started rolling around on the grass screeching, "STOP DROP AND ROLL! STOP DROP AND ROLL!" as she smother the flame. (A/N: that made me sad…her hurting those poor widdle flames. I'll miss dem. Fire is my friend. So I can't understand why that judge forbade me from playing with it… burn down one little city hall and they make a federal case out of it. Sheesh ).

Zim was at home at this time being very Zim like. He was doing a Zimmy like rant. So far so good. Three sentences and he's still not Ooc! Yes a record! Gir was not home at this time. He was at a dance club with his good pal, pig and the rave girls. I think they died but for the sake of this story they LIVE! Now, let's hear that rant, shall we?

"Muwahahaha! I, ZIM am the greatest Invader EVER! And being the greatest I have come up with a great plan that is greater than the last greatest I came up with in that last great chapter! Because it was written by the GREATEST author." I find reusing words equals comedy. At least in my mind. If you don't like it tough it's my story, "In this latest great plan I do some great evil by making a giant hamster and… wait." He paused a moment, "I already did this plan. Oh well," he shrugged, "I'll have to come up with a new one." He said in a nonchalant tone. Damn! Ooc already! I was doing so well but let the will of the people be heard and let the evil arise with the simple act…of answering the door.

"ALERT! THERE'S A PERSON OUTSIDE. AT THE DOOR TO BE SPECIFIC! ANSWER IT! ANSWER IT NOW!" the computer screamed loudly. Zim dashed to the elevator and raced to the door, "Err An intruder? This is the last thing I need!" he grumbled as he placed a contact in. Zim reached the door and swung it open. he gasped in I dunno horror?

There stood a charred and slightly messed up Tak. She was wearing her pink Irken uniform with a rip in the shoulder and a singe in the side. For some reason she was missing a glove. She was only mildly burned and her clothing was tore in a very unnatural way that's supposed to make her look injured but not enough to loose any attractiveness. Her violet eyes narrowed.

"Zim," she said quietly.

"Tak…" he hissed at her. Tak tilted her head down glaring at him then suddenly she lunged at him. Zim was too off guard to defend himself. She wrapped her arms around him and smashed her face into his. Less of a kiss and more of an attack like smacking their heads together.

Zim struggled from her grip and scrambled across the room and pushed himself against the wall as hard as he could, "Tak! What has happened to your brain meats? What would make you attack Zim like that?" he demanded. She smiled coyly at him and slowly approached, "Well something could have happened to my mind when I landed on my head as I crashed from somewhere in space…" she was silent a moment then fell back into her crushy scary mode, "Oh Zimmy. Can't we put our past behind us? All I want is to be is all loving to and possibly be kissing your thin scaly lips!" she said lean down to get close. Zim screamed, "Ahh! You smell like TAK!" he swatted at her. She sighed, "Oh Zim, cant you see how much I care? I mean I know last time I was here I wanted to hurt, possibly kill, and make you miserable but now…" she leaned closer still. Zim screeched in horror and tried to shield himself.

Suddenly there was a loud crash as a car burst through the front of the house. Even the grotesquely out of character Tak was shocked and momentarily lost interest in Zim. He took advantage of this and inched away from her. It took about seven seconds for the shock to wear off and allow Zim's furry to surface.

"What is that doing here?" he screamed pointing to the ruble-covered car. A dark skinned girl crawled out. She was wearing baggy green pants, a green half shirt and black boots tennis shoes I don't know. She had spiky black hair that stuck out in every direction. She smiled and waved frantically at them.

"Hey! I'm Tenna! Since everyone has given up on Internet writers they decided to send me, I don't know why!" She looked around and spied Tak. She ran over to her. Tenna cocked her head and bent at the waist so that they were eye level with one another.

"Why you acting like dis?" she asked.

"Well-" Tak began but was cut off.

"No, no! Tell Spooky!" she held up a little rubber squeak skeleton with a Mohawk. The green-eyed woman squeaked it. Squeak, Squeak, Squeak! Tak glanced around creeped out by this completely in character nut.

"Uh, well Spooky…I've realized that I always loved Zim and…"

"Stop right there!" Tenna commanded, "Didn't you have ya know no knowledge of Zim before he screwed up your life?"

"Er…yeah but I still discovered while here on earth the first time that my love for him was…"

"Okay shut up for a sec! When you were on earth the last time you still completely hated him. Nothing changed. You left still hating a loathing that guy!" she pointed with Spooky to Zim who was procuring a laser gun.

"How…how do you know all this, human?" Tak asked cocking an eyebrow.

"It's Tenna and I've watched the show. Yours is one of my favorite episodes!" Tenna said cheerfully.

"Um thank you? So me falling for Zim is not only stupid…it even more ridicules than Dib falling for him!" Dib poked his head through the broken window, "We're not to ever speak of that again!" he screamed. The three in the room just looked at him.

"Where did you come from Dib Stink?" Zim asked charging his laser gun.

"I…uh," Dib dropped his gaze, "I've been there for the past three minutes."

"Wh-hy?" Tenna asked.

"I was spying on Zim and Tak. I thought they might get into like a partnership and like destroy the earth." Tenna just gave him a look like, "This is your entire life, isn't it?" then spun around to face the short aliens, "Oh yes and no teaming up with Zim. In fact you shouldn't even be here. Go home or something." Tak thought a moment then nodded, "Yeah I think I'll go but first I must right an extraordinary wrong!" she raced over to Zim, grabbed the gun and shot him in the stomach. Zim crumbled and screamed, "AH! My squiggly spooch!" She sighed in a triumphant way. She nodded at the humans and tossed the gun to the side, "Well I'm going to head back to where ever I've been! Soon I'll be able to become a true invader and I wont come back to this hideous planet unless it's to kill Zim. The author and Jhonen sort of approve of that. Bye." She left. Tenna stood there a moment looking around, "Well I guess me and Spooky are going to have to get back to Devi. We need to get her out more! She hopped back into her car and backed out of the destroyed house. Zim who was still in pain shouted after her, "Hey! You destroyed my normal boy house!" Dib glanced around a few times then whipped out a camera took a few shots then dashed out the gapping hole in the wall. Zim was left alone still in crippling pain on the floor of his home base, "Pain…" he moaned.

NOW THAT'S AN ENDING!

Hi peoples! I don't know if that was a good chapter or not. I'm watching a movie as I write so I never trust the quality when I do that. But don't worry I wasn't subconsciously ripping it off, not unless you saw parallels between this and House Of a Thousand Corpses. Which was an AWSOME horror movie. Go see it now. It will freak you out. Hmm enough about that. Let's talk about ME! You will review me. You're health depends on it…how? I don't know. But it does! Sigh I'm going to use some of your other ideas but I can always use more! So write and tell me or suffer! Oh and thanks to the person who open-mindedly suggested ZATR, which they are a fan of for me to mess with. Thanks. Well you can probably guess how I'll end this and as not to disappoint here I go, "Review or I will destroy you!"


	5. Gaz gets Ooc

**Now I know you know this ain't gonna happen!**

Please! Please! Enough! You don't have to stand up and cheer like that just cause the new chapter's up! Oh calm down…what do you mean you never thought to applaud? APPLAUD! NOW OR PAY ME A DOLLAR! You're not going to do either are you? Sigh okay just so you know, you suck. Anyway thanks for all the great ideas. I have an idea page now. With over four ideas listed on it! I'm going to use three in this fic. I'm planning to use them all so if I didn't use your in this chapter than, HAHA I DIDN'T USE YOUR IDEA! Oh, I mean the next chapter or soon is when I'll use it. Thanks again for the great reviews and uh…I love you guys too. Now on with the story that involves very little thinking on my part. (Seriously I just read others fics and rip them off.) ON TO DA STORY!

_**ZAGR **_

_**God help us all…**_

Gaz sat on the couch in the membrane household. She was playing her most treasured Game Slave Two or GS2, as those hip kids would call it with their abbreviated lingo and street talking whippersnapper thing… I don't know where I am… oh yeah story! Her pale hands gripped it as though it would fly away should her death grip be lessened. The purple haired girl's thumbs flew over the buttons. She didn't speak except to mutter about "vampire piggies". Suddenly she stopped. Gaz opened an eye to glare at the front door. Someone was coming. She could hear the Thunk, thunk, thunk of heavy boots coming up the steps.

The door swung open and her brother trotted in. He seemed pleased with whatever had happened to him prior to entry. But Gaz, she really just didn't care. She glanced up at the digital clock 7:32 p.m. She should get out and eat something. Before Dib could begin his mindless ramblings Gaz began to walk out. He was standing in the door way. She swatted him to the side like a gnat! CRASH! He smacked his grotesquely huge head into a table near the door and groaned and complain but Gaz couldn't hear him after being around him so long whenever Dib spoke all she heard was, "Buzzzzzzzz Zim Buzzzzzzzz Evil Zzzzzzz fate of the world Zzzzzzz who cares? Zzzzzzz (insert something Dib would usually say here) Zzzzzzz!" as she walked out Gaz grumbled, "Just shut up Dib." (A/N: Out of character internal monolog begins now!)

Gaz shoved her hands into her pockets. It was unseasonably cool that night so the streets were empty. She was alone physically to the level she had been emotionally for years. True Gaz hated people and avoided them at all costs but that didn't stop her from longing for them, (Wha?). Oh the aloness she was faced with rivaled only that of what Zim must feel. She would go to him! Yes! That way they could be alone together and maybe even be together, together! And yes, maybe go so far as to know the sensation of love or something! Gaz placed her hand on her chest, "Yes It's true!" she said aloud, "I do love him! I love that scale covered green alien! I love his loud shots and annoying rants. I love his stupid contacts and unconvincing wig! I LOVE him despite the fact that I HATE him!" she felt up lifted with the joy of gooey, smushy love ickiness! She ran down the sidewalk she had to see her beloved, Zim! When WHAM! She smacked into someone coming from that direction. It was a short girl with even paler skin than Gaz and darker purple hair. It was Tak in her human disguise. Tak looked at her a moment than her eyes got big, "Gaz." She whispered in a breathy voice.

Before she could pull anything creepy like she noticed something over Gaz's shoulder. Nny had stepped out from behind a tree. He had a long dagger in his hand and made a stabbing motion then brought it to his neck and made a slashing one across it. Tak blinked a few times. Turn this into a really gross R rated story and die or move on?

"Well bye human! I must go to another place. Quickly." She said keeping her eyes on Nny who nodded approvingly as she dashed off. (A/N: that was for the Uru Baen person who said it would be a good idea to add that. Ignoring the fact that neither of us have ever seen TAGR on the net. But there you go! I hope you're happy! Glares for no reason.) Gaz turned her head and looked behind her but Johnny had already ducked behind the tree. She shrugged and continued on her trek to reach her true love that she hated!

Zim sat fuming on his couch. The robot claws were working to repair the wall but had only manage to some how knock down the entire thing down in the process. Gir was still no where to be found probably because I'm no good at writing dialog for him. Zim's eye twitched in quiet rage. The last few days had been all but unbearable! At least, he thought, he could take solace in the fact that the Dib's scary sister had not attacked him.

As if on cue Gaz entered the room through the front. Zim's eye grew huge in horror, "What are you doing here?" he demanded. She smiled shyly, "The wall was open." the two just stood there then Gaz lunged at him in a way that is very reminisant of Tak's motion. But she didn't kiss him she just buried her face in his chest and wept, "Oh Zim!" the Irken glanced around wondering what had happened to that laser gun. He coiled his fingers around her arms. She sighed and repeated, "Oh Zim…" he had a look of disgust on his face. Zim gripped her arms and tossed her to the side. Gaz hit the wall face first. She just lay there a moment then staggered to her feet, "Oh what happened?" her eyes opened, "Oh god! No! I was not controlled by an internet author again, was I?" she asked Zim desperately.

"Eh…yes?" he answered. She said some words that are not allowed on nick and grumbled, "Someone's going to pay for this!" she stomped out. As she passed Zim one of her eyes opened, she had a look of pure hate on her face. After she had left Zim just dropped back on to the couch. He looked around then suddenly said, "Life has become very…odd on this dirt ball called Earth."

with gaz

Wait…where is Gaz? Oh man she was just there! Where…? Everyone I've kinda lost track of her after she left Zim's…oh no! No! (she's here! Help!) I'm sorry it was a spoof A SPOOF! ARGHHH!

The next five minutes were too violent to be included. If I want to keep dis rating than I wont mention the blood or broken bones or the key board shoved…never mind. Quietly weeping. No more Gaz romances. I can't control her…ow… I should have known She's the only one who would snap out of it on their own…ow.

"If any of you even THINK about putting me in another romance with that idiot Zim." Gaz threatened, "You will pay, PAY!" her eye twitched, "I'm going to get pizza." She turned and walked off.

**ARGH! I mean End**.

Well wasn't that interesting? Yes I know. I've lost my ever loving mind. But at least it was funny. At least I hope it was. Like I said I've plenty of ideas but keep sending them in, please? You know I must admit I once wrote a ZAGR. But there wasn't any actual romance until the last paragraph in the last chapter so I tried! Well if I can mock myself than I definitely deserve to mock you. Please review! These stories aren't easy to write! Do your part and review or suffer the wrath of me! I'll throw a Harry Potter book at your head and those things are big! So review or watch the skies! –Invading Angel


	6. Death and other fun activities

_**WE ALL KNOW THIS ISNT GONNA FLY! **_

_**I WONT ALLOW IT!**_

Hey. This one I thought I'd have a little extra fun with. I go all out for you guys, weird _and_ funny. But I gotta tell you. I am really harsh on Dib. Hee, hee. Well here we are, here we go. Sorry about the delay of this chapter being posted. There was a storm and our internet connection was fried. It stunk cause I finished this chapter four hours after I checked my mail and read your kind reviews. I say four hours counting the time I got interrupted and dragged to the mall. I bought a The Crow shirt. I wanted to also get a Green Day one but I only had twenty bucks. Green day… I like them. But I liked their first CD like the best of them all. (I'm saying "like" a lot because I just bleached my hair blonde. It is now white. I don't know why I dyed it.) Green Day was cool. Yep. Funny too. Hey I just realized what ever I was rambling on about was completely irrelevant. So read and weep openly over the latest chapter.****

_**Death and Other Fun Activities!**_

**(Try this at home)**

"Sighs…sighs and misery!" Dib moaned like a depressed Ooc character. He sat dramatically on his bed, his (humongous) head down; shadows hid his eyes in the darkened room. His shoulders were hunched forward and his fingers dug into his knees as he sat there thinking. This all made for a very powerful scene. Its all dramaticy sad looking. Now on to the suicidal idiocy!

"Life is so difficult. No one likes me… No one ever will except for those creepy girls in fan fictions, and that one _guy_ in that other fan fiction." He shuttered a little at the thought of that story he had had to endure just a few weeks ago. One of Dib's hands slid off his leg and crept over to his dresser. He reached inside and pulled out a gun. Yes Dib apparently has a green gun in his nightstand but has never pulled one of Zim. It makes sense!

"Is it really the easy way out?" he held it protectively to his chest, "This isn't easy and the longer I ramble on like this the more dramatic the scene becomes! Woe! Heavy sighs, loneliness that never seemed to bother me too much! Yeah I'm going to do it!" he began to cry quietly. Dib raised the laser gun to his head. He closed his eyes and biting his lip put his finger on the trigger. (A/N: Dis is some pretty heavy stuff, eh? You are in tears, no? You cannot resist the power of my melodramatic suicide story! You cannot stop crying, yes?)

"WAIT!" a voice screamed. Dib opened his eyes and gasped. There was an (get this) Angel standing in front of him. Dib sat there staring then finally got his voice, "You're an angel, aren't you?"

"Yeah, so?" the angel asked as though he were insulting him. The angel smacked his lips together loudly as his gnawed on some gum. The angel was wearing a rather dirty looking white robe and had rather filthy looking wings that seemed to be covered in dirt and I think cheese, "Okay fat head,"

"Hey!"

"Sorry!" the angel said in a nonapologetic way, "Okay big head," Dib glared but didn't say anything, "Alrigh' you were 'bout to kill yourself, eh?"

"Yes!" Dib said jumping to his feet still standing on his bed, and he still wasn't near eye level with the angel, "This world is horrible! Every one hates me, and I feels all alone and strangely repetitive! If I died than I could rest eternally and never have to feel like this! More repetitive cries and moans!"

"You think you'll be resting eternally? Hello what the hell do you think I am? I's an angel! Note the wings?" he jabbed his thumb back indicating toward the wings he probably never pruned or bothered to wash when he bathed, "if you kill yourself you'll go to hell and its just like earth only MORE idiots! Think the entire span of earth history every jerk, every judgmental idiot, every moron, and every bitch, hey I cussed and I'm an angel. THAT'S COMEDY! Anyways you can't kill yourself! You have to live!" Dib stared at him at the angel silently a moment then gasped.

"I have to be alive to stop Zim, right! I'm here to stop Zim! If I don't no one will! Right!" he asked the angel his big eyes full of hope.

"No we just don't want you on our side. You're annoying as heck! Even though you'd go down you'd probably end up on cleaning duty up in heaven." the angel paused, "Eh, I mean yeah! Dat's right, kid. Stay alive!" he said in a voice that sounded like he was trying to be creepy, "You can't kill yourself! If you perish the world will with you Ohhh! Awww! Ohhh!" Dib glared at the angel.

"Get out of my room."

"Can do! And remember hold on to life like it was a matter of you being with us or them!" Dib just glared. The angel nodded, "Right! Bye Fat Head!" there was a puff of smoke. Dib coughed and waved his hand if front of his face. He squinted and managed to peer through the smoke. He watched as the angel trotted over to the door and quietly slipped out. Dib sighed at the stupidity of what had just transpired. He really didn't feel like killing himself any more. As with most negative emotions it passed. He really didn't feel at all up set about the direction of his life. At least he wasn't a jerk like that angel! Dib grumbled to himself as he trudged down the street.

"HA!" Zim jumped out from behind a bush, "It is I, Zim!" the alien laughed loudly, "I came to do stuff to your head! Evil stuff!" It was painfully clear the author just wanted to cram Zim in to the story and was too lazy to come up with a valid reason for his presence. The Irken continued to laugh manically. Dib cocked an eyebrow and glanced down at his hand. He still had the laser gun. Dib rolled his eyes at whatever insult Zim had just delivered and pulled the trigger without hesitation.

"No!" Zim screamed when he saw the weapon raised. A pale blue light zipped through the air and bore in to the Zim chest that belonged to Zim right in the center of his chest, right in the middle. (A/N: whatever I just typed the laser hit Zim in the chest. There.)

Zim's eyes grew big as he gripped his chest and fell back. He hit the ground hard and only mildly groaned in pain. Zim lay there still. There was no movement not even his chest rising and falling with breath. Silence was met by only the hissing of the wind, as Zim lay dead on the ground. His mission failed. The earth finally safe. More dramatic stuff with happiness for Dib and us but more melancholy words for Zim and his demise.

Dib rolled his eyes again. This was so stupid it was almost beyond words. But not quite, thank goodness or else I would not be able to articulate them. And you would continue that sobbing you had started up at the beginning of the chapter but I shall articulate and you shall LAUGH! LAUGH I SAY!

"Zim." Dib said after a while, "Get up you moron."

"You are the moron Earth Thing!" Zim screamed bolting up. He looked around and gingerly touched his slightly charred chest, "The Dib? Zim? The Dib didn't kill Zim?" he asked staring in awe at his mild wound.

"No, the batteries to the laser got drained 'cause the whole time I was talking with that stupid angel I had the gun on. And those things drain in seconds, I swear." He sighed. Dib kicked a rock and walked past Zim who was still on the ground. Dib shook his head at the amount of idiotic behavior in this chapter including his own. Zim just looked around, "I AM ZIM!" he screamed and ran into the sunset.

LET THIS CHAPTER REST IN PEACE…

Was that mean or what? "We don't want you either" that's so evil of me. But I do it lovingly, hugs Dib's head. When I was given the idea for this chapter I really didn't know how I would do it. Would I have Johnny appear with a knife and ask him, "Do you really want to die?" in a creepy way holding a knife to his throat or something? (It would have been cool but he was in the last chapter and the union said I had to give him a break.) Should I send in another comic character or Jhonen himself? Decisions, decisions. Well some thing in me just screamed, "Have a jerk of an angel saying "Don't even think about coming here!" but than I thought, "What? That's idiotic. He would go to hell. It should be Satan who comes! Yeah!" but than I realized I had already started writing with an angel so I spun it and I like to think I fixed it. I have no problem with angels, just so you know, I'm Catholic. So nobody get offended by the annoying angel, it was a joke! Don't hit my head with the keyboard! Well you know the drill by now guys, review and give ideas that you hadn't thought of last time you reviewed. Thanks again, -Invading Angel


	7. A horrible Crime Against Technology

_**What could make you think I'd allow this?**_

I'm sorry about the late chapter. The last one, not this one if you think this is late you are impatient and mean with unreachable standards! LET ME REST! I NEED STUFF TOOO! I am writing this at only ten twenty five at night. I'm going to have to start giving up my nocturnal life style soon. I got a baby-sitting job, eight to three thirty, argh! But I'm going to be making a hundred and twenty bucks a week! Does a happy dance But I digress, what I'm trying to say is, it may take a little longer to post. Thought I'd let you know. Oh and I'm not going to let that one bad review get to me. Just cause some one cant take a joke and decided to read a story clearly marked as a joke to amuse myself and others like me with views on unnecessary romance similar to mine doesn't mean I'll sink so low as to say something nasty about them on the net like… "You're an idiot to read a story that you knew would annoy you. But you read it all the same just to fill time in your sad probably DAZR obsessed life." See I'm not going to do that cause I'm just mature like that. Now on to the story!

_**A hideous crime against technology!**_

_**The grotesque abuse of a cute character!**_

The room was dark lit only by the computer light and a small bulb above the work desk. Zim turned his head to the side as he inspected the chip. It was a small purple and red microchip with little sliver electronic looking things coming off of it (A/N: my knowledge of computer do-hickies amazes you, no?).

"Gir!" he screamed summoning his henchman for the first time in like this entire story. Off in some dark unknown room of the house a loud cry of glee erupted and grew louder. The door burst open and a small silver robot appeared, "Monkeys!" he screeched and stumbled falling at Zim's feet. Gir giggled. Zim glared down at him, "Gir." He said lifting the robot to its feet, "You're brains are bad. We're going to give you a new one. But this is different than the time I locked you into duty mode and you tried to kill me. You know what? It's stupid of me to try and change you again and risk you going all CRAZY again. Yes I said again, again! And nobody can stop me from saying it. AGAIN!" he began to laugh evilly at the ability destroy the English langue.

Gir's grin disappeared suddenly. Somewhere within the deep caverns of his malfunctioning mind something reached a dangerous heat level and POP! A wire snapped causing his brain to malfunction even more than usual. His face contorted and twitched wildly. His eyes went dark a moment then relit a powerful pink. He grinned at Zim. The alien cocked his head at the strange looking android.

"I…I love you!" Gir proclaimed and threw himself at Zim. His metal lips crushing and bruising Zim's tender meaty ones. Gir closed his eyes but the pink light still showed through. Zim grabbed him and tried to pry the robot off. There was a CLICK, CLICK and two flashes. Overhead Zim heard snickering. He raised his head up, with Gir still smooching his now raw lips, and saw a black clad Dib hanging from over head with a hand over his mouth attempting to stifle a giggle and one clutching a camera.

"Dib!" he said in a muffled way grabbing Gir and tossing him aside. The pink-eyed robot began to cry softly at the rejection he had just received.

Zim glared at Dib but his eyes slowly found their way back to the weeping robot. He was so cute with his now pink glowing eyes and always-innocent mind. So cute… he shook his head. Doom the human, that's what he had to do! Zim's eye twitched back to the robot. But FOCUS, he had to FOCUS!

Dib caught the glance and opened his mouth, which was still covered by his sneaky ninja mask, to make a snide remark when suddenly he began to disappear! It was first a strange discolorization on his fingertips, then they began to become clear, first his hands, then his feet, and legs. The transparency only continued to grow up his body Dib began to panic and screamed, "What the- Zim! WHAT IS…?" he was unable to finish before completely disappearing. Zim glanced around a few times then merely shrugged. Whatever had happened to Dib was not his doing but it sounded painful and pain was good so he didn't really care about the human's fate. Zim touched his bruising purpley green lips tenderly. He was feeling strangely out of character. His red eyes glided across the room over to the still weeping pink eyed Gir.

"Gir…" he said slowly. Gir's eyes rose to meet Zim's who was moving closer and closer and…(A/N:I can't go on writing this evil! How is such idiocy possible? It makes me sad to be in the same species as some of these author meanies! BTW if you think I'm harsh you should hear what my older brother thinks of DAZRers. I wont say it for two reasons one, I want you to keep reviewing me. And two, There are far too many curse words used. But back to the ickiness at hand, I mean Gir is a… and Zim's a…ARGH! IT HURTS TO CONTINUE! But I suppose I shall.) closer still. Zim had dropped to his knees and was crawling toward Gir with his lips pursed. As his lips came within about six inches of Gir's there was a flash of light to the side. Zim turned and saw what was causing it.

A pale hand appeared with a white glow around it. Then another and two black sleeves fallowed by a blue abdomen with a black back. Black knees and legs and feet appeared. Lastly a large head appeared, still screaming in agony from the trip back from wherever he had gone. Dib stayed there on his hands and knees a few moments before shaking his head soon the glow subsided. He raised it and looked at Zim. The two just blinked for another few seconds before Dib stood up and staggered toward the aliens (Gir counts as an alien).

"Where did you come from Stink?" hissed Zim fairly annoyed with Dib reappearing in his base. Dib twitched a little, "I-I came from another plain of existence! Everything was three D and the sky was BLUE! People's heads were smaller than their shoulders! Their shoulders! And so tall…so tall…" Dib rambled on. Zim, without hesitation, reached out and slapped Dib across the face. Dib stood there stunned for a moment with his head still turned to the side from the slap. He rubbed his cheek a little, "Sorry. Okay what I was trying to say was, I met the creator! In his world, it was amazing…"

"You mean God?" asked a wide-eyed Gir.

"No," Dib said shaking his head, "This guy was considerably lower in power than the Almighty Father," Dib did the sign of the cross. (Hee, hee Religion jokes from a Catholic!) then the bigheaded boy continued, "No this was merely OUR creator. I can't remember his name but I did write it down." He dug through his pocket.

"When did you have the opportunity? You were gone thirty seconds." asked an annoyed Zim.

"Eh, time warpy difference between worlds. Anyway here it is, Jonon Vasqueeze." He read mispronouncing Jhonen's name. Zim glared at the human.

"It's pronounced JHONEN VASQUEZ you stupid earth dumb thing!"

"Well that doesn't matter he summoned me to give you a message! And it's on this same piece of paper. He wrote," Dib cleared his throat, "Eh hem, Zim. Stop being hideously gross. Gir is a robot and you are an organic being. I thought I made it clear two or three chapters ago that you are not to know the emotion that is love. It's bad. You've only said the word like four times if that in the span of your entire show. Anyone whose reading this and has actually gone through and counted the number of times Zim has said the word love, well you're just sad aren't you? Back to Zim, stop it or I shall destroy you, if you don't believe me. Just try it. Your seething creator, Jhonen Vasquez." Dib finished by adding the P.S., "Also if you want to fix gir just hit him really hard in the head. I find that's the solution to all your problems with stupidity." Zim glanced around a moment after Dib had finished.(A/N: Ya know here is a good place for me to mention I'm not Jhonen. I don't know what he's like. All I know is that these are my views and I'm putting a face on them by saying Jhonen. There, that's what I think. That comment was just for the evil person who gave me the mildly bad review! Grr!)

"You're right Earth Stink or well Jhonen is right, you are just a messenger thing." He said as though Dib were the lowest of the low being a mere messenger, "I can't believe I actually let my robotic slave…Ew…anyway it shall not happen again!" he growled.

"But…" a small voice whimpered, "We, we had something special! Don't you remember? Remember the cheese? THE CHEESE?" Zim lifted his fist and bopped Gir on the head. His eyes closed for a moment then reopened aqua. He grinned and wobbled out of the room probably in search of a slurppy. Dib looked at Zim awkwardly a moment than began to laugh uncontrollably. He pointed at Zim and laughed loudly making his words indistinguishable. Zim twitched with rage.

"Get out! COMPUTER, CAPTURE THE INTURDER!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. Claws dropped from the ceiling, Dib's laughter had stopped. He ran away but was sadly was caught in seconds and yanked from the room. Seconds later a distant scream could be heard as Dib was propelled from the roof straight up into the sky. Zim laughed until his voice was horse. Then he just stopped a scared look crossed his face.

"That was awful, what horrors can be waiting for Zim in the next chapter?" he asked his eyes darting around the room.

THE END, I GUESS…

Hi.

I just bought the DVD extra thing for Zim and I listened to Mopeness of Doom, which is not what people on the net told me it was. THEY LIED! It was about Dib becoming normal and Zim getting bored and giving up. It was creepy but in the end Dib went back to his old ways and he and Zim happily insulted each other. Shutters Well review give me ideas and do a little dance for my amusement. Go ahead, I'm waiting. Not one more letter will be typed in this story until YOU do a dance. Thanks and give me ideas. LOTS OF IDEAS! Wahahahahah! I am evil and it is nice.


	8. The sad, sad tale of more romance

_**Who would believe this would be acceptable? Hmm? WHO! **_

_**What it you? I bet it was you!**_

Hello my filthies, have you missed your beloved authory girl thing…me? Now that I have lured you all in to a false sense of security over the last seven or so chapters I can finally revel this is not a story but a clever plot to destroy the world! HA! You had no idea that you were being recruited did you? Well you were. Now grab your pointy objects and meet me in the park by the old water fountain, you know the one I'm talking about, at five 'til midnight. I will not divulge any more details about the plan until then. But so as to appease you my faithful troops of doom I shall post another chapter to amuse you while you tick away the seconds before we can launch the master plan to doom this world! Ha, ha! Be patient my filthy children and enjoy the latest chapter.

_**The sad, sad story of Zita/Dib romance.**_

_**So sad, so evil, so Out Of Character…**_

Zita stood in front of the bathroom mirror. She held up her spiky purple hair with a hand and pushed the hair glue through it. She turned her head from side to side to make sure that it remained vertical. Zita nodded in approval and smiled a little at her reflection. She slung her bag over her shoulder and began to leave when one of her friends dashed in, "Zita!" the anonymous character cried happily.

"What?" she asked stepping back. The friend had an overexcited twitchy look on her face that could only be one of two things, _crack_ or some thing extraordinarily awesome.

"I just got this!" she thrust something into Zita's face. It was a spiral coin attacked to a thin piece of string. Zita's purple eyes remained trained blankly on it. The friend pouted a little, she wasn't getting the significance, "It's a hypno-coin. My dad got it for me last night. It's supposed to really work!"

"Like magic?" Zita asked cocking an eyebrow. Her mind zipped to thoughts of Dib. He would probably have way more interest than she would.

"No!" her friend retorted, "It's a scientifically designed mechanism. It was made by this one guy to hypnotize magician's assistance into telling if she had been steeling hypno coins!" she waited for enthusiasm to come but it did not. Zita just stared at her. The girl's smile faded into a mild glare, "Just watch the coin so that I can hypnotize you!" she flicked it and the coin began to rotate and spiral all hypnotizy-like.

Instantly Zita's eyes turned into spirals. Her friend glanced around, she could mess with Zita all she wanted! Her friend would have no chance but to obey. What should it be… a thought struck her. It was so funny and perfect she was almost too giddy to unleash it. She said through a fit of giggles, "Uh, giggle, Zita! Giggle, giggle, giggle, You will discover your true feelings for Dib are… THAT YOU LOVE HIM! Now you wont remember this and it will only kick in when… OH! I know. It will only kick in when you see Dib in class yelling at ZIM!" she went into another giggle fit, "And you wont be able to stop thinking about him until you kiss him!" She finished excitedly. Then the evil girl snapped her fingers and Zita's eyes returned to normal. She blinked a few times the gasped when the bell rang, "Crap! We're late, come on!" the two raced out, "You can try to hypnotize me later!" the friend's cheeks felt as though they were about to burst from holding in the laughter.

Zita slid into her chair unnoticed. Zim was screaming in Dib's face. His purplish alien saliva was wetting Dib's face. The boy's eyes were narrowed in rage. Anybody who looked at him could have guessed there was a storm of rage just waiting to erupt in one giant scream. Zim finished his rant with a I'm-so-damn-great smug look. Dib opened his mouth with Zim cut him off and said, "Also you and your entire species has a hygiene problem which is why you all are so disgusting and smelly! And…" Zim continued his mad rant while Dib stood up his right eye twitching uncontrollably.

Zita pulled out a book and began to thumb through it lazily. Dib took a few heavy breaths then screamed, "SHUT UP YOU MORON!" he scream filled the room. Nobody really cared or reacted except Zita. The book fell from her grasp hitting the floor with a loud CLUNK! Her eyes grew wide and Dib's voice echoed him her mind. It felt as though it were dripping down from her head to her heart like some wonderful thing-syrup-stuff! Her heart felt warm and her insides felt like they were melting but in a good way not like they would if some on were to melt her organs with a laser.

She sighed and smiled at Dib. The bigheaded boy dropped back into his chair still seething. He glared over at Zim and accidentally caught the eye of Zita. She smiled blissfully and waved slowly at him. Dib cocked an eyebrow. Her insides were boiling she couldn't take it any more!

"AIEEE!" she screamed and leapt from her seat, a wild look in her light purple eyes. She pounced on the defenseless Dib creature. Zim watched with mild interest while the class stared in wide mouthed shock. Someone as cool as Zita acting like that, it couldn't happen (how right they are)!

She fluttered her eyelashes at Dib, "I want to kiss you like you've never been kissed before!"

"Well. This would be the first time I was kissed by a human…so that's like never before." He said from under her because she was still sitting on his chest. She grabbed Dib's cheeks and smashed her lips in to his in a hard but in some freaky way affectionate way. Dib just sat there, wide eyed; letting her kiss him when suddenly she froze. A spiral appeared in her mind's eye. She saw it spinning, spinning; spinning…as it twirled the light feeling disappeared to be replaced with cold horror as she looked at the boy who she was now connected at the mouth with. She screamed as though he were on top of her. Zita scrambled away from him, "Wha-what? Why! Ew!" she looked around and began to lick a book to get the Dib out of her mouth. He just stared at her. She had just jumped him and now she was freaking out! This was too weird; there was only one explanation.

"ZIM!" Dib hissed pointing a pointy finger at the Irken.

"Dib!" he growled. The two glared at each other.

"You did that! You made Zita kiss me!" he accused.

"HA!" Zim retorted, "Not even Irken technology is powerful enough to make some thing want to touch you!"

"Zim!"

"Dib!" (Again. This goes on for a while.)

"Zim!" Dib repeated while Zita began to lick the filthy tile floor, which in her mind was better than Dib.

**_THE END FOR ZITA!_ (The floor was toxic. She is dead.)**

Oh. It's horrible… I did not realize how bad it had gotten. Alright let me start by saying, as you probably guessed, I'm completely self-absorbed! I like me! I understand me…I make me laugh. Me and I get along so well so I basically ignore everyone else in existence. So finally pulling me away from myself I went to read some one else's fic and…THERES NOTHING BUT ZADRS! NOTHING! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN! I mean it's like in one of those crappy sci fi movies where you're battling some ultimate even and get flung into the future to see that it had devastated the world already. Your death would be in vain… (I am a good drama queen, no?) But what I'm saying is there is no time to gather as a whole. You must carry out your missions on your own my hideous minions! You guys have got to start writing fics too. I don't care if you suck as a writer you need to take over part of this site for the non-romantic and non-slash! Join me! Join me, my disgusting, ugly allies! Help me help sanity. JOIN ME! Oh and remember those sharp objects I told you to collect earlier. Well keep those on hand for the next mission. That will be the fun one. The fun VIOLENT one. I know. You cannot wait, but you must try! (Oh and the DAZR lovers who can take a joke so your reading this…uh…well I'm sorry that I feel this way but it makes me feel unclean to see all those. Sorry.)

Also I've never read one of these Zita/Dib fics. I hope I mocked them to a standard that the Invading Angel brand name has become affiliated with. See I only parody things that annoy me and despite the fact I have never read one the idea does not appeal to me. I sincerely hope parodying something I've never read doesn't make me a sell out. –Invading Angel


	9. Tall, victorious Irkens is Love

_Why? So much love… it hurts!_

Guess what children! It's time for me to bash a reader! Some one left a review that was sooo stupid it hurt. They wrote basically: "Duh…Don't think Jhonen's going to like you jus' cause you blah, blah, blah he ignores romance blah." Oh and my favorite part. They ended it by saying they LIKED THIS STORY! Now. I have no issue with some one not liking my story but when someone insults my intelligence by acting as though I'm retarded enough to think that JV would read this and go, "GASP! She understands me!" bleh, NO! And since she seemed to have missed it the first two times I said it I shall say it again, "I don't know Jhonen. I don't know how he thinks or feels. I am using him as a visual aide for my crusade!" Plus to be honest he feels more like just another character in his comics so to you I must say, "Idiot." And point at you. Everybody else is good. I like you other readers. But not them. They suck. Oh and I must tell you. This will be the last chapter. It was too **big** to be just another chapter. But worry not sniveling worm babies. Soon I shall come out with a sequel. "**THE REVENGE OF_ I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS_**!" Now feast your watery eyes on…

Tall, victorious Irkens in love The horror, the horror… 

Zim woke up from a good night's sleep despite the fact that Irkens do not sleep. He stretched and gasped happily. Zim was tall! He was all tall and now extremely hot! His limbs were long and slightly muscular. And despite the fact that he had miraculously grown three feet his clothes fit perfectly and held to his new attractive figure with his pecks and six pack bulging out from under his shirt and all that other muscle stuff that I don't know the names of. He was tall but short enough so as to not have complications with the tallest. Zim grinned.

He had finally reached the physical peak of attractiveness that he had so rightly deserved all his life. No one had ever found him hansom well no one except… Zim closed his eyes it was too painful to think about it! That face, those eyes, that blah, blah, blah… how she had loved him and yet… Oh! The whoa that those thoughts caused!

His squiggly spooch ached at the thought of the lost. But he had to focus; it was his mission that needed attention. It was time for school! Zim put in his contacts, put on his wig and ran out.

Coincidently on the other side of town a space ship landed and a medium height Irken stepped out. She wasn't too short for new tall Zim and wasn't too tall for short Zim. It was as though she had been made specifically to match him. She wore a uniform just like Zim's but with no stripes and around her neck she wore a silver chain with a small charm on the end resting over her heart (well where her heart would be if Irkens had hearts). Her delicate purple eyes swept around the area she was standing in, it was a forest on the edge of town. She clasped her gloved hands over the charm and sighed, "Oh my beloved, Zim. My lovey love, love, that I love. That just happens to be Zim, because I love him!" she said in a dramatic way. I mean you could feel her longing and loss. This is serious drama!

Dib sat at his desk his over sized head down on atop it, "I give up…" he groaned, "If they're too stupid to notice…why bother." Dib laid there still for a few moments. Then he bolted up and whipped his head around angrily glaring at the other students who were going about their own matters; some reading, others talking and a few sleeping.

"COME ON!" he screamed in frustration, "HOW BLIND ARE YOU PEOPLE!" a few kids glanced around and someone muttered, "Wha'?" Dib began to twitch and tweak, "J-JUST, JUST LOOK AT ZIM! LOOK AT 'IM!"

"What's supposed to be wrong with him?" asked an unidentified student. Dib's eye was twitching uncontrollably as he glared at Zim who was sitting at his desk twiddling his thumbs. The Irken was squeezed up in his desk his legs straight out in front of him kicking Ms. Bitters' desk. His new muscular body was jammed tightly in to the tiny desk. His head was about a foot or two higher in the air than any other student. He narrowed his eyes at Dib, "You speak madness earth boy. Zim has simply gone through a growth spurt. It is common amongst earth worm babies." The class nodded and murmured in agreement. They believed him.

Sadly it was too much for Dib to handle. His head shook violently until BOOM! There was a huge explosion a quarter of the classroom vanished with Dib in a horrible fiery thing. It had finally happened, people's stupidity had finally _blown_ him away! Zim glanced around and jumped up his arms extended in to the air, "Victory!" he glanced down. The desk was still stuck around his middle. Zim glanced around and sat back down in the chair attached to his butt.

Meanwhile a beautiful girl wandered all lost like cause she didn't know where she was going. Now for the exaggerated attractiveness description! Her hip length white blonde hair floated behind, swooshing from side to side seeming to dance or something. Her still purple eyes scanned the streets. Her perfect cream complexion was…perfect? (I dunno. I'm tired, hard day at work.) She wore a perfectly pretty fitted dress with like…uh stripes. Red and black cause that's cool _and_ attractive! Yup her disguise was as pretty as the pretty Irken who was pretty darn pretty for an alien. (wha…?) She walked down the street and stopped in front of a building and gasped with joy! (Yay joy! gag)

She was standing in front of the school Zim was fighting with Dib (despite the fact that he exploded. I guess he's okay now.) by the window so there they were and she recognized Zim despite his "growth spurt" and stunning muscular physically tough looking muscles. Her hands immediately went to her chest to grab that necklace thing that I'm guessing is like… I dunno REALLY important to the Zim/Irken chick story!

Minutes later school let out because they only attend for about four or five minutes a day. Zim zipped out to avoid any unnecessary contact with the unsightly urchins he attended school with, none worthy of his superior presence. Zim walked past the girl staring at him wide eyed. How was he to know it was his beloved…uh (crap I should've come up with a name for her by now. Um, I'll think of one give me a sec! 120 secs later:) his beloved Siq (pronounced: SICK!) She gasped in horror! If he got too far away and disappeared into a crowd (yeah cause he wouldn't stick out) she could loss him again! The girl reached out her hand and snagged his arm and cried in a very dramatic loving, "ZIM!" he spun around, he recognized that voice! They stood face to face for a moment her slightly shorter than him.

"Siq?" he asked wide-eyed eying her necklace.

"Yes, its Siq!" he just stared at her in a very awe like way with this look of shock and uh…joy. He had to ask he had to be sure, "Is that really you, Siq?"

"Yes!" she chirped tears in her eyes cause she's happy. That's why she's crying don't want you to be confused. This is all very joyous and exciting. I'm sure the readers are jumping for joy for Zim and his long lost love, Siq, "It is me! It's Siq! It's all Siq, right here in front of you! Grotesquely Sick! Er, I mean yup me and this isn't weird or out of character at all!" she grinned at him.

The other students had dispersed by this point the tall and simi tall Irkens stood staring all lovey dovey at each other. They both went into their minds and saw him and her looking exactly like they do now only shorter and all Irkeny. Zim looked down at the ground then whipped out a small metal box. She took it and opened it, Siq gasped staring at the contents. A small silver necklace.

"I love you Siq!" he proclaimed, "I love you with all my heart!"

"What's a heart?" she asked cocking her head like a dog.

"Er…squiggly spooch. I have always loved you! Since the second the idea for this fanfiction was conceived, I've always had a longing to show you how much I love you!"

"Oh Zim!" she cried wrapping her arms around his neck, a little to tightly. Zim gasped and clawed at his throat, but to no avail. When he woke up he continued this speech, "Now!" he said in an all-important way, "I'm going off to work on **Operation Impending Doom**! But, but I'll destroy the planet as quickly as I can and come back to you to start a family despite the fact that we don't have family units!"

"Gasp!" she gasped, "You would change the whole structure of our society just to be with _me_?" she asked in her squeaky high-pitched voice.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah sure." He said slurping on a soda he had mysteriously obtained. She threw her arms around him and strangled Zim again. That was the last time she choked him into unconsciousness before he destroyed Irk and was banished. Oh! How they had missed each other so!1!one! There was so much love they had yet to give each other and now they could. Zim took a deep breath and said, "Siq. I loves you. I loves you lots. But…first I must destroy this planet and enslave its inhabitants!" She nodded, "I know!" she squealed, voice breaking a window of a near by car, "I've got a super weapon! It'll do dat!"

"Oh." He said glancing around, "Cool."

**TWENTY MINUTES LATER**

Zim and Siq sat in twin thrones atop a pile of ruble from destroyed buildings. Neither wore their disguises and on their heads they wore bulky gold crowns. She smiled at Zim, "Is this what you've always wanted?" Zim sighed and turned his head to her, "Uh yeah… this is…_perfect_." A line of slaves shackled together slowly marched in front of them each dropping some snacks as a form of offering to their new over lords. Toward the back of the line was the unexploded Dib! His clothes were singed and torn. He had a defeated sad look on his face. Zim's pulse quickened. That was what he wanted! Zim glanced over at Siq. He gasped! Oh no! Some of that Gay-for-Dib stuff from the first chapter was back! He had made a full circle of icky emotions! Zim glanced back over at Siq who was staring adoringly at him. She batted her exaggeratedly long eyelashes at him in a flirty way. Dib dropped some potato chips at the base of their throne and began to shuffle away with the other slaves.

"WAIT!" Zim screamed. The line froze and looked up at him. Zim ran down the mountain of filth hitting a big bolder dislodging it as he went. He flung himself onto Dib who only had time enough to half gasp. Zim stroked Dib head as the eleven-year-old (that's as much as I will compromise on his age!) squirmed remaining in character.

"Dib thing I loves you!" he said moving in for the horrible kiss. Dib's eyes got even bigger as he screamed and struggled entangling himself in the chain. The people linked to him just looked away and mumbled amongst themselves, none of their business.

"ZIM!" Siq screamed shrilly (hey, say that five times fast). She stormed down the steep rubble, "I cant believe you'd do that! I'll kill you and your boyfriend!"

"I'm not his _boyfriend_! I'm not even his _friend_!" Dib shouted from beneath the oversized Irken as Siq got closer. She stood at the base of rubble with a laser gun gripped in her hands her eye twitching and her entire body basically tweaking, "Your dead!" she screeched just before the rubble gave way and squished her (ha, ha she's dead).

"Okay…" Zim said slowly then turned his attention back on Dib, "Dib!" What can I do to make you love me?" he asked pleadingly. Dib had a disgusted look on his face, "Noth-" he stopped and the grossed out look was replaced with a sly one, "Uh the only thing that would make me love you is if you fix the earth to be like it was before!" Zim smiled and jumped off of Dib.

**AN HOUR LATER (hey it takes longer to fix than it does to destroy.)**

"There Dib thing!" Zim proclaimed happily, "Now do you love Zim?" Dib glanced around the reconstructed city, "Yeah sure."

"Then I may be kissing you?" Zim asked bending down with his lips puckered. Dib gagged and when Zim's face was inches from his own head butted the alien. Zim moaned in pain rubbing his forehead, "You deceiving human!" he spat at Dib. Dib smiled, "Yup and NEVER try that again!" he growled and raced off.

"Oh. Sleep now human! Because it will be the last peaceful sleep you ever know! I will destroy you!" he proclaimed his fists in the air. Suddenly a hawk dropped a boulder on his head crushing Zim. He crawled out back to his normal height. Zim looked around, "Every thing's back to normal?" he asked waving his once again puny arms around, "Wow and nobody needed to help us. I guess I return to my in character life. Yeah. DOOOOOOM!" he screamed and ran off.

**IT IS DONE…**

Ah, the circle of life. It is finally over. Well for now. I'll pick it up with THE REVENGE OF I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS in a couple of weeks so this is basically my vacation. I'll see you guys later. I hope you enjoyed reading it cause I really loved writing for you and your sweet reviews. I hate to say this but…I love guys! YOU ROCK! YOU FRICKIN' RULE! YES ROCK ON READERS! Continue being true to yourselves and the characters! If you like writing the kind of stories I mocked well have fun doing it! Ignore naysayers like others and myself and naysayers, KEEP HATING WHAT YOU HATE! Don't let people tell you what to like or not to. For people who think I'm a hypocrite for writing this story and then ending it on this up lifting blah, blah, blah note I am. I am a HUGE one. But at least I admit it! Well I LOVES you guys please review!


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